70% of Batterers Who Ask For Custody Get It: The Family Court Mafia

mafia-family-tree

 

During the past two decades, mothers have been losing custody of their children (even nursing infants) in increasing numbers to fathers who are convicted or identified batterers, child molesters, drug addicts, gang-bangers and felons. Family courts force children into the custody of abusive fathers at alarming rates, allowing these men to continue controlling and abusing their victims. Research shows that 70% of batterers who ask for custody get it. Safe mothers who left the abusers in order to protect their children are frequently labeled “unfriendly” and are inappropriately ordered to supervised visitation or denied all contact with their children.

The Leadership Council found more than 58,000 children every year are ordered into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following a divorce. Children very rarely lie about these things. And the reports are coming from the children. Even when they’re switched over to the custody of the batterers and the molesters, continue to report abuse. And they’re ignored

Women who were outspoken about their domestic violence allegations actually received less protection for themselves and their children. Many custody evaluators recommend custody to abusive fathers on the assumption that mothers either exaggerate the violence or are deliberately alienating their children from their fathers as a tactical advantage. Another reason judges give custody to the abuser is financial; over a quarter of the protective parents have reported filing bankruptcy as a result of fighting for custody of their children. The average cost of a court proceeding was reported to be over $80,000. These findings are particularly disturbing given that children exposed to domestic violence show similar levels of emotional and behavioral problems as children who were the direct sufferers of physical or sexual abuse. The court system does not want to believe that a well-spoken, charismatic man could really be a savage wife-beater or child abuser. It is easier to believe that his traumatized, sleepless, frightened and rapidly impoverished wife is lying, exaggerating or imagining things

Most are battered women who tried to flee domestic abuse to save their children, only to end up mired in our nation’s family courts, unable to protect them at all. Mothers who speak out about system failure often face judicial retaliation and lose what little time they have with their children. The unregulated cottage industry keeps churning, generating hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees to experts, while some of the worst cases settle only when the children turn 18. This is a national epidemic that is destroying families across America.

 

abuse

 

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Are you being abused?

Emotional abuse is very real and just as damaging if not more damaging than physical abuse. Many times the victims aren’t even aware of the abuse….

It can be more dangerous than physical abuse because it undermines our sense of worth. It cripples all we are meant to be; letting the abuse define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes and actions onto the victims, and typically, the victim brushes it off, but slowly becomes the words, the attitude, the action – they become the abuse.

Take a look at these questions…..

POWER

Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

CONTROL

Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?

Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”

Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?

Do they control your spending?

Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?

Do they make you feel as though they are always right?

Do they remind you of your shortcomings?

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

BLAMING

Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

Are they unable to laugh at themselves?

Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?

Do they have trouble apologizing?

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

Do they call you names or label you?

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

EMOTIONAL ISOLATION

Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?

Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?

Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?

Do they not notice or care how you feel?

Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

CODEPENDENCY

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?

Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?

Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

If you answered YES to even a few of these questions…. You need to re-evaluate your current position in whatever relationship category this falls under. 

This is a video that a friend shared with me……. A picture for each day of this woman’s life through one year of abuse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4zGO78tV9s
Don’t let it happen to you. Walk away.