A snippet from my memoir…..

“Pig” he said as I carried the dinner plates to the table. Tears mustered behind my eyes, our guest choked a little on his water and tried to act like he didn’t hear it. I sat their dinner plates down and stepped backwards before I turned around to head into the kitchen “beep beep” he chuckled under his breath; this time my tears poured out. I looked down to my bulging belly and caressed it. Dare I reply? Or just brush it off…. Was it worth a fight? Replying would cause just that.
My little Alex squirming inside, nothing could take away the joy I felt with every movement, but the jokes, the mean comments and degrading remarks were wearing me down. I was often told that I disgusted him – and that when he pictured my fat pregnant body it made him sick to his stomach.
I had once felt very pretty, to the point where self consciousness was a mental state, not a physical one. I had felt beautiful even while I was pregnant, my belly round and soft – holding the most beautiful creation I had ever experienced in my life – but not to him. To him I was trash…… He pointed it out so much that slowly I began to see myself through his eyes and my beauty faded away…….

Are you being abused?

Emotional abuse is very real and just as damaging if not more damaging than physical abuse. Many times the victims aren’t even aware of the abuse….

It can be more dangerous than physical abuse because it undermines our sense of worth. It cripples all we are meant to be; letting the abuse define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes and actions onto the victims, and typically, the victim brushes it off, but slowly becomes the words, the attitude, the action – they become the abuse.

Take a look at these questions…..

POWER

Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

CONTROL

Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?

Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”

Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?

Do they control your spending?

Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?

Do they make you feel as though they are always right?

Do they remind you of your shortcomings?

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

BLAMING

Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

Are they unable to laugh at themselves?

Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?

Do they have trouble apologizing?

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

Do they call you names or label you?

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

EMOTIONAL ISOLATION

Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?

Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?

Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?

Do they not notice or care how you feel?

Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

CODEPENDENCY

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?

Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?

Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

If you answered YES to even a few of these questions…. You need to re-evaluate your current position in whatever relationship category this falls under. 

This is a video that a friend shared with me……. A picture for each day of this woman’s life through one year of abuse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4zGO78tV9s
Don’t let it happen to you. Walk away.

The scars of abuse are not always visible…..

Domestic abuse:
There is a way out. You’re not alone

I haven’t found the all the answers but my goal is to create a community of women, strong women who will rise above the hands of their abusers and create a new reality. A reality where domestic abuse is not the sad statistic of 1 in 4 women like it is now. A reality where 70% of women who testify in court lose custody of their children to their abusers. A reality where social media isn’t immune and desensitized by the battered woman.
This is a place to share your story, express your feelings and reach out to others who have been or are in your shoes. What tactics have worked for you, which ones haven’t.
The business of abuse is overly abundant in our court systems. Judges, attorneys, and court appointed investigators (cps/dhs) decide your fate and the fate of your children.
Abuse is something that is punishable if its to a neighbor, a stranger, or someone outside the home – but when a man abuses his partner or child it’s his right in the eyes of the court. Without “proof” you are characterized as crazy and the abuser continues to abuse you through the court system until you surrender. And then you  begin to ask yourself if they are right after all…

I want to share my story with you. It’s ending yet to be told; but my personal growth, spirituality and knowledge of a corrupt system is overflowing with information that could be beneficial to you or someone you know.